Mood:Mellow
Topic: Nothing in Particular
S.O.C.:"eX Dream" by Vocal: Myuji Lyrics: Julian Lewis

Such a good song! Much thanks onto all of the people that remembered my birthday--I don't think I've ever had that many people wish me Happy Birthday ever lol. Some of you just made me laugh so loud. Keisha in Particular! Who calls screaming/singing at the top of her lungs the happy birthday song and then had to be her own back up lol. Nancy as well! Jun ended up calling I think 2 or 3 times because his timing kept being off. Then Peter called right after he got off of work which was sooo nice but we had to get off because it was 11:30 and my dad was giving me the who the hell is calling at this time of night look, but Peter called again today. Lisette stoped by before work and Jonnell sent me a funny funny picture as a bonus birthday present.

It was a pretty good day a few complications. I finally got that layaway out! (this being the X TV show layaway that I've been saving lunch money for for months but I think my mom was paying stuff behind my back they got it yesterday) I adore X that is my show! I love the way every character is explored and developed. Each character reminds me of a friend of mine. Peter in all walks is Kakyo Kuzuki--who I believe ardently to be the most objective character. Jonnell reminds me of Yuzuriha Nekoi--because good Lord they are both wired!! I know Lum once said she liked Satsuki the best...and in some aspects it does suite her but in others I think it's totally wrong. Satsuki is so unfeeling Lum is much warmer. Cat said she liked Kotori the best which suits her in the way of kindness...but also I think that Kotori is a little to simple sometimes. I haven't found a character that incompasses Nancy or Lisette Genderwise but perhaps if they don't mind I will compare them to the males. Nancy reminds me of Yuto because she's always so good natured. Lisette in a small small way is Sorata...she serves as amusement and makes other think her the fool when in reality she knows exactly what is going on. Still though the characters that fascinate me the most are Arashi, Kamui, Nataku and Karen. Kamui for his bad attitude of everyone is out to get me and martyr-istic angst (I'm like this or so I'm told--I doubt it was a complement but the truth is never a bad thing) Arashi for her silent strength and beauty. Karen for her....undefined occupation and yet her ver very religious attitude(in the series which tries to stay close to the Manga but also goes on it's own rodes) Nataku because....he says he doesn't feel...but I think Karen is right in her statment that "There's no such thing as a creature with no emotions. You just think you don't have any.

Anyway I was impressed with the job they did with the series. I like it more than the manga(which is a rarity) I like it better because well it presents certain things about each character in a rather creative way--which probably now that I think about it you really couldn't do with the Manga but still. I also enjoy the fact that they plotted it true to the manga dialouge--not the bloody movie(which as a one hit is good but...after you read and see the other stuff you realize just how crampt it all is) Anyway back to the characters...they're all really messed up truth be told. The thing is that none of them know about the other one. Which proves no one can really relate to you unless they've been through close to the exact experience. Plus the fact that everyone is quick to judge sometimes by accident but I like the show.In anycase that was my small rant lol if anyone wants bootleg copies I will be more than happy to oblige because that's proabably what I'm going to do for Christmas bootleg things lol (I will buy things but bootleg too because everyone should have anime goodness!)


So yes Everyone have a good night okay!

Cheers,
Kim

In this world that will someday fall to ruin...
...dreams and hopes don't matter at all
Because your asleep within your heart,
you will never wake
But feel with those hands the future that can't be changed
Burning for your life!
Even if I sacrafie this life that will someday burn out...
(For the perfect dream)
Drowning in my dream
Even if I drown,
a dream is only but a dream
you are the star light

Mood:Ajitated
Topic: Comment box
S.O.C.:"Love me not" by Papa Roach

::sigh:: look people I don't ask for anyone to condone how I feel or to sympathisiz with it or to give me permission to have it or to even very well understand it all right. I'm not asking for help from anyone okay. So this quarrelling in the comment box I will not have this. Yes Lauren's statement bothered me but it is founded in truth so shall it be. Jonnell speaks up for me because she has to see me everyday trying to figure things out. I always defend Jonnell that was her trying to return the favor. Jonnell I thank you for your concern but Lum is nursing some wounds and they are deep and reopening wounds...neither justification nor excuse simply information.

::the tone of the following paragraph is not mean or grouchie it is simply a statement.::
Lum none of us are strangers to death young old your right but the worst is young and iminent death I know about that too. Grief is grief on whatever level and at times a softer tone is in order. I too have seen people break for trivial matters this you could say is one of them but with you and me it's different you see if I had the desire to call you or something it wouldn't be an issue because I'm female...Daniel will have quiet the time talking to me because of my father--I get to talk to Jun for 10 minutes if at all when he calls--with Peter no different in fact Peter has heard my father deman I get off the phone. Gender is an issue--also life college lack of transportation...comparing a thousand to 200 miles isn't good either---but as I stated in the beginning Lum speaks with truth

But as I said before I expect no one to understand let alone give a freaking damn...but none of this quarelling please I beg of you I have too much on my mind (not just Danny for those so quick to jump to conclusions) to straighten these things out. I carry my burdens alone more than I should, I put others above me and that's not always good, and most terrible I put my happiness aside for others. And your right no one tells me to no one asks me to but I do because I love these people. I simply ask that once in a while I be allowed to express my exhaustion and sadness or am I not allowed even to do this? Shall I keep it all locked away always?

Please all I ask is...allow me to feel and express my emotions no matter how trivial they are to you they mean something to me...this is my small space...so I beg of you...not to understand just to accept how I feel...

Mood:Sickly
Topic: I'm not sure
S.O.C.:"Faithless" by Injected

It works!!! ::laugh truimphantly:: My dad fixed it my computer works!!!! Praise onto my father!

::mood falls to normal::

Anyway...how is everyone? Good I hope...I'm sitting here head swelling with negative informatin ready to vomit.

Does anyone think I'm just a little too emotional? I've felt that way for a while now. I don't take combinations of emotion well they make me weak or sick. Today was kinda hard on me...I did a lot of things I probably shouldn't have done today...I probably shoulda waited but I'd like to bleed all at once you know. I went to places that I'd never been to without Daniel...classes and such. I talked to his friends...lol they treated me like a widow or something but they all had the same look...they were sad and tired but even more than that they looked lost...That's probably what hurt most of all more than anything...Torhen...who takes so much pride in his hair hadn't bothered to style it....Judah with his 10 pockets and great organization...couldn't find anything...that was the hardest part...his boys, his kids that he took such good care of...all so very lost.

::Drastic change of subject::

Music always sounds a thousand times better when I'm with Lisette. As we left the BPC all of the cheerleaders were all ahead of us...all except Ashley Boyd. Eventually she passed us but then Lisette started to speed up and pass them one by one. It felt good to go fast to just run and not look back. It was even better to run with the stereo blairing, making the doors vibrate, forcing me to yell so Lisette can hear me. It feels good to run...like the wind, a squall, a gale, run then with her because I can't do it of my own accord...I'm not a runner not really...but it was nice to pretend...

Mood:Stable
Topic: The Morning After
S.O.C.:"Echo" by Trapt

::sigh:: Wednesday...it all feels like it was months ago...Dan is gone...or will be haha...on Monday. I saw him for the last time yesterday night at 10. I didn't cry in front of him I was so proud. He almost did...he talked about his boys how he was worried about them and how there was no one to take care of them, he talked about JROTC and how it would fall apart, he talked about how he didn't know so many people cared about him. Eventually he talked about me but some things are better left unsaid.

I don't feel sad...not anymore...I felt sad the day he told me I cried almost 24 hours straight...I haven't cried like that since Justin gave me a piece of informaiton that Micheal had been sleeping with Lyza (which can neither be confirmed or denied because of so many different sources) The next day I looked for him and he wasn't there and I cried but eventually he showed up and everything was okay. Friday morning we went and had breakfast and talked for 3 hours (PSO have Friday's off) I said good bye then because I knew that the rest of the time we spend in each others company and we'd be distracted with our own friends. That afternoon he had a good-bye party. I only stayed half the time because out of about 9 people Iwas the only female and his friends all act like 7 year old boys.

'Then yesterday I had my mega super ultra early birthday party at the bowling alley. Lisette got me girly smell good things! With the name of Sanctuary! Jonnell got me wooshy black and grey pants and a shirt. Nancy got me the Yuna Magical hot pants scroll which I have but that doesn't really matter it shows that she knows my taste and that small brested Yuna with guns fasicntes me. I gave the scroll to Lisette so it wouldn't go to waste I hope to go to the Hobby shop and see this X scroll Nancy was talking about. Joel got me the cutes card and he helped in the bowling goofiness with his glove. Daniel gave me his sweater the one he would bring to school everyday for me because all my classes were cold. He also got me Samuri X Trust and Betrayl.

The party itself was funny Jonnell and Nancy had a small competition going on then me Joel Lisette and Dan were batteling it out too. Keisha called Eventually we went and ate at BK...6 people in a 4 person booth ^-^oh yeah lol no we got chairs and put them on the end. Anyway after that we sat in the gazebo between BK and the alley and talked and then went to the arcade in the alley and Jonnell and Nancy played this one table hockey game and the puck kept flying across the room. Daniel and Joel played pool and me and Lisette distracted them the whole time. Then Nancy and Jonnell went home. A little later the four left wondered back to the gasebo and talked then Lisette and Joel had to work so they left. Then Dan and I went to the PX and waited for Abe (Dan's older brother) to get off work so we could take him home.

Then we went to my house and sat outside until 10 talking. I cut my hand with his knief serves me right for playing with it. It was the Kneif Judah gave him. I hope he has a good trip and that he's safe and sound. ::sigh:: and that as they say is that. For now...maybe.

Mood:Lost
Topic: Trying to get to simple happiness
S.O.C.:"Don't Push Love Away" by the Juliana Theory

Am I just too emotional or what the hell? Or am I justified in all this insanity! Lol Lisette returned to school! I properly embarassed myself by running across the grassy thingieand jumped on her (reminisent to JJ from FAKE) lol but did I care that have the student body saw me run and yell LISETTE!! Hell no I was happy to have my friend back ^-^ Anyway we might go down to Columbus this weekend!! Whoo!! It's for my dad to go hang out with his friends but I choose to look at it as a nice maybe I'll get to see the boys deal :) Probably not but...oh well I can hope right?

Let's see I am now bonded into PSO...and hopefully those people in the God damned Guidance office help Lisette and Dan out (they need transcripts and seals and they just aren't helping them!) Oh but PSA--You should take your parent with you for that NOTARIZATION stuff....what else? I don't know my brains are scrambled. My dad has been showing some signs of concern as to my health. I think the fact that I'm not really eating or sleeping to much has become apparant to him. Mind you even I don't know why I'm not eating or sleeping well--maybe it's stress or anxiety or paranoia or something like that.

Lol Maybe it's the principal! I know that sounds so stereotypical but it's truth. The woman is a nazi! She suspended Will for piercings(mind you he has many but...he's had them for a while now you know?) And just today she suspended a child for wearing Black and Red. Lol I'm sure you all want an explanation right? Okay the school really wears very few colors. Mostly Black, Blue, Red, and White. Now...she has taken that to mean that those are gang colors---I AM SO SCREWED. My wardrobe doesn't have to much beyond the realm of those colors...ALSO she tried to bust me for wearing a long sleeve t-shirt under a shortsleeve one. Okay Look...::sigh:: It may be 90* plus 100% Humdity outside!! But in here!! it's 30* okay!! I spend all day saying. J'ai froid! or Il fait froid! (I'm cold or It's cold) you see I see the French teacher a lot and she laughts because that's one of the few things I remembered from French I. I mean the Principal is over here in a cardigene and she's gripping at me for wearing a long sleeve shirt....I mean....can we find something even more trivial to bug me about? I swear man...oh and in my anger management and boredomb I did this:

To those that would silence us:

Emotion is Dead Rebellion Remix

Here’s a thought if your willing to listen I only tell the truth of the feelings I‘m given. Can you here me now? Listen. Here is our new disposition. You're about to understand. We knew you'd hate this before we wrote it. So listen up, we're telling you before you tell us. Our theory is only obvious to the skeptical, and at the bitter end. You're staring at a white page and the print is plain to see. Now turn the page and read what's written. It's our history. We're not misinformed or misdirected, functioning on your subjective. Your hatred only fuels us on. We won't be part of your revolution. So listen up, we're telling you this is our business. We're not misinformed or misdirected. We'll make our own insurrection. So keep on punishing our “wrongs”. Do you understand? The dream is over. Don't look for answers. You're better following trails. Now how about a word or two on you? You're an iron fist, unprovoked attack. We're not about to break like you do.You're staring at a black screen. Your body starts to tense. When two plus two is five or less it's time to question common sense. Silence is a secret, a weapon in disguise. Listen to the silence. Open up your eyes. Do you decide what you hear and believe? Tell me who makes your mind up for you. Do you believe what you see to be true? Can you tell me who owns the truth? Who bought the truth? What is your disposition?

If I told you this was killing us would you stop?

OH YEAH!! CLINGING TO THAT EMOTION IS DEAD CD MAN!! Lum I'm sorry for any discomfort that may have caused you I just wanted to play with the lyrics is all...::sigh:: I have to go pack clothes and...put my stuff for school in my bag and stuff...anyway yes bye

Kim

Mood:Furious
Topic: Sometimes we really are alone in our thoughts
S.O.C.:"Feelings" by the Offspring

I swear as teen angst as this may sound the World is out to get me! In seriousness! Or at least the small insignificant utterly useless and unimportant Bradwell sector! But let me explain!

For the last week people or the older persuasion have been trying my patience and to say the least I have been frusterated. Now I'm not in the business of feeling sorry for myself but I'll complain a little(Jonnell has seen so much of my emotional range in the last week it isn't even funny) But I unlike many try to do something about it because I don't believe in getting mad at people most of the time I believe in getting upset with circumstance but as Nny says don't just fucking complain actually do something you know.

First off The ne Principal is a freakin LUNCH NAZI! I try and sit as far away from everyone(except Jonnell ::hug:: )as humanly possible. but this lady for some reason made me sit closer to people. OKay....now see where I was at was supposedly "off limits" it was a pillar basically but then not even 15 minutes later a girl goes and sits down where I was and the principal is sitting all of 3 feet away from this girl looking dead at her and doesn't say anything. This happened for like 3 days. Then we couldn't eat there then we couldn't drink there I mean when I say they I really mean me and the people with me at the time. because litterally she was after me no joke this is not some exaggerated thing this is literal.

In anycase they messed up my schedule because you know how in CHS you tak Eco/Gov together? not here, here you have to take each one seperate. SO I went to the Consluer who is compeletely stupid and told her that I had Gov on here when I told her that I would take Eco(it was first term so I did it that way)and we needed to fix that now. Turns out that I can't take anything at the school because I've taken everything! SO they won't give me credit for taking the same class again so now I HAVE to do the college thing PSO. So now I get to join Lisette in that parade--but I don't see much of Dan (who rearanged his schedule to have class with me!)or Jonnell anymore. And if I don't go I don't get to graduate because I'll be short a credit!!! And I can't rearange my schedule because all my classes are one time during the whole freaking year!!!!!

::twitches:: And people I want to work this year and do you know why?!!

BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING DREAM!! I WANT TO FUCKING BE A GOD DAMNED TEACHER!! AND ON THAT ROAD THERE I HAVE THINGS I WANT TO EXPERIENCE

I want to live at the UGA dorms and be able to run out of my room across the hall in my PJS to Peter and Junior's room and walk right in and wake them up for school! I want to see them fresh out of bed with bed breath and bed hair and red eyes! I want to argue over breakfast and get yelled at for running late!I want to struggle with them and for them and for myself. I want to see them everyday! I want to get so sick of them that they make me healthy damnit!!! I want to go somewhere with my fucking love and I refuse to let these people fuck up this.

All my life everything has been out of my hands! EVERYTHING! Where I live, what school I go to what I do! WELL NO FUCKING MORE!! OKAY!! All this get ready for the real world shit that I'm suppose to be afraid of--I'm not scared I'm eager okay! I want my life in my hands I don't want people telling me what to do or when to do it or how to do it I want to make my own decisions--And if I screw up so what? Let me have that liberty it's my life isn't it? God damn...
::exhales:: mother fucking people getting in my way shit...give me a gun.

But you know what I still don't feel sorry for myself...I feel sorry for Jonnell because she has to see me in this unstable state so freaking often... I swear she's seen it all mad, sad, quiet, smart---all of it. I think it bothers her to see me so upset and frusterated...I'm sorry Jonnell...I really am.

::sigh:: I wish...I wish I could just close my eyes and let the whole thing just pass me by...but I can't...now is not the time to be idol...now I have to fight for what I want...and I have to become what I once was...or something dangerously close to it.....

Well Gents and ladies....let's hope I survive the mutation right? The awakening of the Lost Soul Kim

Mood:Good
Topic: People that make me smile
S.O.C.:"Everylight" by Smashing Pumpkins

::Sigh:: It's 6:30 in the morning and I woke up and I was very groggy and very messed up (Like I can't see) and then I read a funny little e-mail from Geimer. See the e-mail was this: Geimer and his brother Luis don't exactly get along they...ridicule one another and it isn't pretty I had the misfortune of being on the phone and overhearing the name calling. Oh my virgin ears...my children will never be allowed near Luis...Luis is a prick(lol you see in my nice little life plan all of use you know go off and have our relationships have/addopt/genetically enginner our children (hehe I believe that one of us wil enginner our own some how) anyway back to the point.

So Geimer and Luis are swearing at one another and at first it's intentional and then we hear Nancy(their mom) yelling HEY every time they swear and near the end they say Nancy you don't use this kind of language do you? and Nancy replies with CARAJO...hehehe for those of you that didn't grow up in a spanish household...that get's said a lot lol... I think the best translation for it would be Damn in English. I'm not 100% sure someone argue with me if they wish.

Then there was Lisette...Lisette broke out the dictionary looking up the meaning of friend and then wrote a message to each one of her looney conspirators and she called me by my nickname in Hinnesville that JUST WON'T DIE!!!!! I consider myself to be a strong tough gal and thus the name...Mama Bear doesn't exactly portry that...lol but it makes me laugh and I understand the idea. So it's early but I started the day off on a good note.

Peter has returned!!..I assume I can't wait to hear from him but I don't want to call because he just got back and you know Jet Lag is a bitch. School...really sucks...a lot. Man but no need to ruin the day. Besides I have a drive that may seem stupid and small to everyone else around me but it's something to me and if this fucking school messes that up I will blow the place up for messing up my life.

Well anyway let me go hunt down a cup of coffee and something to eat.
Have a good day everyone!
Kim

Mood:Sickly
Topic: Warning to all
S.O.C.:"Feelings" by the Offspring

Hey everyone my dad is suppose to arrive today so if you don't see me online for a while don't worry I didn't die lol well that is all

Mood:Tired
Topic: Kaori Yuki worship
S.O.C.:"Tight Rope by Papa Roach

::sigh:: Aww Bliss surrpunded by the work of the great Lovely and Marvulous Kaori Yuki. This layout is not of my own making it is stolen goods it is from Salva Nos. net but they are chagning their layout so it's not sooo bad now is it?

Okay now a little about Count Caine. I myself didn't get to finish it sadly. I only got to read the first few chapters since WinZip decided to freaking die on me! But hey that's okay I did manage to download 3/4 of Gravel Kingdom, All of Kain, All of Cruel Fairy Tale, and a few non Kaori Yuki works(namesly Yami no Matsuei)

But yeah here's a little about Caine from Salva Nos(save us)
Cain Hargreaves, the hero of the story, whose hobbies involve solving mysteries and collecting poisons. He has 2 people he cares about; Riff & Mary. Riff is Cain's personal servant and has been since his family died in a fire.

Mary, or Merryweather, Hargreaves is Cain's half sister, and he truly cares about her. She knows nothing of Cain's past and he has no intention of ever telling her.

There is also the Hargreaves family doctor Jezebel Disreali.

The Count Cain Series is broken into chapters; The first chapter, Forgotten Juliet, has Cain looking into the death of his cousin Shuzette. It seems they has returned from the grave looking for something... revenge, maybe.

The next chapter is Boy Hatched. Then Kafka and the introduction of the family doctor, Dr. Jezebel Disreali, whose true nature is not that of a family doctor. The next chapter, Seal of the Red Ram, is told in 2 parts. I do not wish to spoil anything, so currently the chapter is God Child.

..Simply put Count Cain is Sherlock Holmes, but much cooler. :P


Yes All well and good for all you other Kaori Yuki lovers since I know that all my CHS people love her to an extent here is an Interview from 1995 on almost everyone's first Yuki experience Angel Sanctuary.

Now this part here is mainly to Jonnell. You see the way you worship she that is Tairrie B? This is who I worship--She that is the lovely, amazing, bold, and creative Kaori Yuki! I think you would enjoy her works they really are something. Um I want to print out Boys Next Door for you because it is my favorite Kaori Yuki short story it rivals even the great Angel Sanctuary!--Which has a wall of adoration in my room thanks mostly to Geimer for printing out full 8x11 color images and Lum and Cat for getting me a SETSUNA MUDO Poster--::glomps the girls::

Lets see how do I explain to you her greatness...ahhh man I guess I have to show you and that will be difficult. Her art work is very beautiful--in a fragile, delicate, pained, sensual sort of way. her stories are very aloof with there first glance premise but...upon further inspection the feelings are universal and common.

Here is a summary of Boys Next Door of my own making

Adrain Clay is an elementary school teacher. Lawrence is a 14 year old male prositue. What could the two possibly have in common right? Well you see due to certain things in Adrian's past he is now as an adult a serial killer by night--his targets being mostly male prostitues. But no no Lawrence is not his victim he's a witness. Law witnesses one of Adriane's murders (and is virtually unphased) and has evidence against him (A neckless) Law finds Adrian and some what tries to black mail him but is just doesn't work--because Law doesn't really try. well eventually they fall in love(yes this is a gay plot line they are VERy common in Japan) But the ending is soooooooo sad anyway I will show you a small thing just go here read from right to left!

well it's late and I speak of nothing!

Night
Kim